TheGoodFelo

" Love is not lust, and lust is not love. Love is like a scar, it usually stays; lust is like dust, it always fades. " -SOLA Soyele. 🌼In relationships, we often claim to have some tangible and really compelling feelings towards certain people. Many a time, we claim that it's love, but most times, I believe it's lust or something of a rather less worth. It could be infatuation built on some appealing aspects of a person's personality, not the person. 🌼It's okay. We are entitled to love whoever we want. However, for the purpose of companionship, some things would have to be mentioned. To me, companionship is a way of saying, "Your existence matters to me; You are important to my life; I choose to be committed to your well-being, success, and progress as much as I do to myself. Let us take this good walk through thick and thin." What then happens when a relationship is on fire? What happens when a relationship is wrecking badly? 🌼One quick way...

When you can’t love your companion back ‘as much as’ they love you, what should you do? You would agree with me that love is not a thing you can always control or decide. Love is usually not created; it happens instead. This is why someone can love even your worst enemy. Since this is so, you cannot exactly make yourself love someone unless you genuinely do love the person. I believe that it could be easy to camouflage in 'action'; however, you cannot possibly fake an emotion. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it, period –it’ll rather just be sheer acting. This is one of the reasons a person may love someone who hurts them so badly, both physically and emotionally. Someone may find it hard to leave or end a toxic relationship. We may love someone who doesn’t even care about us. In other words, we may feel left behind. Consequently, and in a way to heal, we may now falsely affirm that we don’t care. We become hard and rigid as a means of helping ourselves to live on and...

Distance vs Care, Time and Attention : Is distance really a serious challenge in relationships or has it been overly exaggerated? Let's be honest, the most important things anyone would usually require from their companions are ‘care, time and attention’. On the 27 of December last year, I stumbled on a picture quote by Jim Rhon that stated the truth that: ‘ One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is the gift of your attention. ’ The point of this quote became clear when I understood the picture in the background. There were a young boy and an old woman, laughing gently as they sat on a fallen tree trunk, apparently having a good discussion. It occurred to me that the boy must have made out some ‘time’ from his playtime to spend ‘time’ together with the old lady. Likewise, the woman must have had to leave her room where she could have been reclining or reading, just to spend some quality ‘time' with the young boy. 'Time' is being emphasized here because of i...

Timi,      I had a dream. In my dream, there was a man in his 50s, sipping a cup of ginger tea one evening -just before the sun thought about going down. He sat on a chair in his backyard, reading a book about love and life. One moment, he smiled, sipped some tea again, then continued to read. Well, his house was small and quiet; there were electric power and food. Apparently, he had been there within the fences for weeks. I could tell this from the ease in his smile and peace in his mind.      That man, Tim, was you. I was not sleeping when I had this dream; I was only thinking of you in a good light. Don't bother about dying -we all will die someday, anyway. Don't fear that you'll exit the world without anyone knowing. There are a good number of people that will always value you, and I'm one. I'll notice if only I would be alive by then, too. Smiles.      Tim, life doesn't have to be a bed of roses, just a strand of hope is good enou...

Introduction I was there when an older man was scolding a young boy of about 10 years old . ‘Stop talking like a lady, speak like a man! You are a man.’ Apparently, the young boy had a natural high-pitched voice. The little boy reclined in a chair in class one afternoon. He began to reflect on how his friends had bullied him, ‘…see the way you talk like a woman. Are you not a man?’. He surely remembered his Uncle telling him that day, ‘Ben, you are a man, and you should talk like a man. Now, talk like a man.’ He seemed to have heard the seemingly embarrassing statement on how to talk like a man a million times. Now, I heard someone say, ‘He chose to be moved by what people say.’ Truth is: we aren’t all graced to have good self-esteem; we do not all grow up with very rigid minds; and in fact, Ben was just a ten-year-old, imagine it. You know, when you remind a child ‘negatively’ about their seeming weakness like, ‘You are so slow; you can never be fast enough to catch a snail; idiot...

This write-up is dedicated to Marvey, the awesome person who took the time to ask the question we'll address here. What if I can’t meet up to my companion’s standards? Introduction : Now, this is a serious question. Earlier, in a post last week Monday, I mentioned that since we get to grow up differently, no two persons end up having absolutely the same personalities. And so, each of us is entitled to having unique and personal variations. Nonetheless, it was established that we should try to make life easier for ourselves by endeavouring to improve and learn where necessary, especially when it's required in a companionship. Then, Marvey asked, 'What if I can't meet up to my companion's standards?' The Talk : The truth is, some people might have some innocuously high standards which they might have grown up with; hence, it can be understandably difficult to act otherwise. For instance, my mother is normally obsessed with a very exhausting manner of hygie...

Baby boy,      Timi, I do understand. It’s only a matter of time before you get your own space. Please, make it a duty to yourself to ignore the goats in your life, carry about your headphones so that you can access them when necessary, and thank God for the angles you have in your life, like me. I know I’m a darling. I’m a gift to you, just as you are to me, dear. I know you miss me that’s why you say kinds of stuff like, ‘Why are you still alive?’ Silly boy. Sha be saying rubbish there…smiles.      Not at all, you are not bad tempered. And, complaining is only normal. Why are we companions if we can’t share our life experiences? Companions are to share both their distress and delights in life. I appreciate you for trusting me enough to tell me all this. Obviously, our separation in distance has not even affected our companionship. Best friends forever – bff ! I love you, Tim.      Have you been using your drugs? How has your mood bee...

Introduction 'Start with the little you have,' that's what many of them say. So, 'You have an idea? A business idea? Or just any positive ambition that means so much to you? The key is starting small. I and a fellow young man were discussing how funny and sometimes annoying it can be to hear those words from people who think they are encouraging us. He wants to be a photographer. In this age where amazing cameras and expensive devices are out to improve the quality of photographic products, 'where do I start small?' He apparently needed some relevant experiences, 'How do I get experienced, when skilled personnels are asking me to pay because they didn't acquire their wealth of experience and expertise without a cost?' Yet, they say, 'start small!' I think it's easier said though.  The Talk Out of my personal experience, I've been discouraged many times. I love men's fashion so well. I finllally found a place to learn ...

Stop expecting your companion to always see things your way . Seriously, people seem to forget that no two persons have absolutely the same personality without a measure of peculiarity. We grow up differently: different locations, family upbringing, acceptable lifestyles, personal preference, age-long habits and tendencies, life approaches and so forth. We can't exactly be the same no matter what. Each person is yet entitled to have their unique and personal variations. We are all expected to eventually shape our variations within a reasonable span of time, so as to live better lives and be better members of the global human community. Don't expect people to always suit your requirements. Everyone is entitled to be different in their own way. In other words, don't expect perfection from anyone. Perfection here refers to having no flaw in one's sight. Remember, we are not exactly angels, we are humans. It's quite funny, I guess, right? Well, this knowledge of our dif...

Hey Timi,      Thanks for always writing me. I’m truly very sorry for replying late. I’m doing okay here. Believe me dear, I miss you like crazy! I’ve missed seeing your fake dimples, lolz. I know you’re not too fine, but please be. I desperately need you to survive, okay? And, that’s not a demand; it’s a command, you hear?      The sad part is that I want to believe you were joking when you said that you hope to find an alternative friend. Nonsense! Arrant rubbish! May God never bring a better friend your way! May you not find o! Do you think I want a rival? Don’t get this wrongly. I just want to remain in your heart. Sharing that comfy space in your heart with someone else would surely give me a heart attack. Do you want me to die?      Darling, I still and will always love you dearly. I’m sorry about the unexpected change of things. I remember you always feared that a time would come when life may take me away from you, and it seems lik...

This article was inspired by and is thus dedicated to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.      So, we know of how men squeeze themselves into small and frustrating cages. We might have heard this brutally ignorant statement being drilled into the ears of a bitter young man who had just been unfortunate: You are a man; you shouldn’t cry. This is to uphold a sad criterion of manliness as if to say it isn’t human for any man to cry; as if every man has to have a special ability that makes them emotionally stronger than women. So, ‘sheer’ being a man has become a sufficient reason to be remarkably unyielding to some normal human emotions. David Schmitt of Psychology today reiterated that: …even if sex differences have neurological substrates, gender role socialization may change the brains of boys and girls. If today men are strong enough to calm their tendencies to cry, it's largely because the society has taught them to. Now, this is not to say that this 'principle of not crying w...

On the demand of a reader, I'm posting ' An epistolary short story titled: A Letter To Alice' . It exemplifies the essence of 'confession' in a companionship. How would you feel to get such a mail as this? Share your views in the comment section, please. A Letter to Alice Dear Alice,      How are you my cutie teddy princess? I've missed you so much. I feel like I last saw you about ten years ago. I miss your adorable smile; I miss your angelic chuckles - the way you laugh when you pull my legs and I stupidly take you so seriously. Babe, I know I'm freaking bad at comprehending jokes. My bad!      I wish you were here last week when I was trapped in terrible traffic. You know how badly I loathe congestion and crowds. Plus, I forgot my headphones in mom's car. These days I forget everything in a jiffy.      Here in Ibadan, the air is tense, the days are scorching and the nights are hot. I'm just hating everything. When you're not aroun...

Confession is totally helpful and expedient in every relationship . For crying out loud, you like somebody, so, why is it so impossible for you to ever mention it in your whole life? Some people mention it quite often before their relationship is well bonded, then afterwards, they assume that their companion should just have known it already. Little things like this strengthen your relationships, and the absence of them when necessary definitely hurts a whole lot. You are entitled to hearing a reassuring confession of love and value, just as much as your companion is entitled to it too. Well, I guess that someone might be right to think that once you begin to make these valid confessions, your companion could abuse your honesty by being egotistical. This is why this act has to be mutually practised. Hence, if you are reading this alone, you could be at a detrimental end. Now, confession is a salient action needed to maintain a healthy relationship in both distant and near relationships...

‘ The Withdrawal Syndrome ,’ that’s what I call it. Are you familiar with how withdrawal in a relationship can be a defensive mechanism rather than an evidence of infidelity or dislike? Have you been in this kind of tight shoes? The popular assumption is that when one party/person in a relationship begins to strangely withdraw from their other companion in a very unusual way, then it could be a proof that they no longer like their companion as much as they used to, or that they are finding another person so interesting that they do not want to be seriously committed again to their companion(s). This is unfailingly possible. However, it is not always the case. Many a time, your companion can begin to withdraw especially because they love you too much, but they don’t feel that they are equally loved. It means that they are aware of the fragility of the human heart. Hence, when I love you too much, but I don’t believe that you love me that much, or I believe that you do not really want to...

Don’t always assume the role of a solution provider . If every time your companion has a challenge, you strive relentlessly to solve their problems completely or prescribe solutions, you would only be exhausting your good energy. Moreover, what your companion would forever appreciate you for is your attention and care. You can’t always solve their problems, but you can always make them know that they really are not alone on their toughest walk. The assurance that you would try your possible best to be present with them in the dark valleys of their emotional and life struggles would definitely make every problem half solved. In fact, the valley becomes quite less distressing and their burdens definitely will get lighter. For instance, I often have periods of serious unhappiness and anxiety. When I have such moments, most times, there’s no finite cause. So when I breakdown for an unexplainable or irrational reason, it never pays off well for anyone to try to solve the issues. It only lea...