Short Story Series: A Letter To Alice 003.

Baby boy,

     Timi, I do understand. It’s only a matter of time before you get your own space. Please, make it a duty to yourself to ignore the goats in your life, carry about your headphones so that you can access them when necessary, and thank God for the angles you have in your life, like me. I know I’m a darling. I’m a gift to you, just as you are to me, dear. I know you miss me that’s why you say kinds of stuff like, ‘Why are you still alive?’ Silly boy. Sha be saying rubbish there…smiles.
     Not at all, you are not bad tempered. And, complaining is only normal. Why are we companions if we can’t share our life experiences? Companions are to share both their distress and delights in life. I appreciate you for trusting me enough to tell me all this. Obviously, our separation in distance has not even affected our companionship. Best friends forever –bff! I love you, Tim.
     Have you been using your drugs? How has your mood been generally? Please, don’t regress. Really, what is Sola’s problem? You know what, since he has refused to use his brain, talk to him about your conditions. He seems not to understand that his actions have huge consequences on your stability and peace of mind. The goat has probably not had to live with an amazing person like you. Don’t get frustrated. I like you just the way you are. You don’t need to feel less of yourself.
     Oya… My Valentine’s story has not ended, remember? This was how it happened. We boarded a cab not knowing that Tolu only had his ATM on him. I had two thousand naira on me anyway. So, we got to the cinema and alighted. Believe me, Tolu brought out his ATM! Who does that? He wanted to pay sixty naira to the elderly man with his ATM! Baba may not even know what a credit card is. Yeh! ‘Sir, could you use a POS, or can I quickly make a transfer? He looked so serious, and I had to frown too. I didn’t want to spoil the drama. Instead of him to apologize for forgetting his wallet, he turned it into a drama. Baba gave him the lecture of his life before driving off since other passengers were already upset with the unfavourable delay that was heading nowhere.
     The woman who fries akara did not show up yesterday. I just hope she’s fine. I cook noodles, I try. I don’t even know what to say again. Take care Timi, I’ll write to you soonest. Bye.

Still your bff,
Alice.

My dear Alice,

     I’m scared. I’m so afraid these days. I feel like I’m going to die without anyone noticing. I’ve been alone ever since and I like it. Unfortunately, I get scared that I’m just going to live a while and when I die, no one would even notice except my family and you. Am I a terrible person? Well, I’m no longer scared of dying. My mood has been so low. I just feel so bad as if something terrible is happening to me, because, I don’t even know why my mood swings more often and it gets really bad. I broke down yesterday night and I cried for like two hours. I just hate myself, my life, everything! There’s nothing to bring me delight. I’ve stopped writing my novel, too. I’m stuck and sad.
     Sometimes, I wish I could sleep forever, so that my soul could find rest, but my hope of meeting you would only be a dream. And at night when I can’t sleep, I keep hoping to awaken and see that this life is the real dream. So I close my eyes and imagine how this story ends, but my imaginations so burn my heart that I allow some teardrops to kill the fires. See, depression is not fun, it’s frustrating. When you see people tell you to stand up from your messed up life because you have legs, but you look disappointingly at yourself and admit the bitter truth, ‘Yes I have legs, but I don’t know why they are too numb to work; and only you know that it’s not your fault, although you blame yourself outright seriously.’
     I’m sorry I’m having to tell you all this. Eat well o. Rest well, too. I don’t know how long I’d live for, but this I know, that I will always love you, Alice. You are my best friend, and I value you. I don’t want to do it. I’m going to try to talk sense into my head. I just don’t trust myself as much as I used to. I really don’t want to do it. It’s stupid, I know. I just want to rest. Take care dear, bye.

Yours forever,
Timi.
#Depression is Real...